Playing In Someone Else's Sandbox: Some Other Things to Watch Out For

[dragonbat2006]

The following elements are not objectively “good” or “bad”, but they can be difficult to write well.

Original Characters

There may be times when you will want to insert a non-canon character into your story. There are many reasons why you might wish to do so. Perhaps your character is needed to play a role not filled by a canon character. You may have a character that you created at one time and with whom you’d like to “play.” There is nothing wrong with using original characters in your derivative fiction, but there are two pitfalls of which you should generally steer clear.

• The Mary Sue/Marty Stu


• The Author Insert




The Mary Sue/Marty Stu




The “Mary Sue” designation derives from a satirical Star Trek short story¹ penned by Paula Smith. The story centers upon an adolescent Star Fleet Lieutenant who wins the love, admiration, and respect of the canon characters, saves the day, and dies tragically.


In fact, the Mary Sue has existed far longer than the Star Trek franchise. Springhole.net defines her as “a character who is created to be admired, envied, or even pitied rather than empathized with.”²


With a genuine Mary Sue, you'll feel like the writer is constantly trying to rub your nose in how awesome, special, or virtuous the character is. Genuine Mary Sues also tend to bend the very fabric of the universe in their direction—other characters will be inordinately interested in, or even obsessed with the Mary Sue, whether they want to befriend, shag, or destroy [them]. And finally, genuine Mary Sues are the spoiled pets of the author: whatever the character wants or needs—be it power, wealth, prestige, or a lover—it comes to the character with ridiculous ease, even to the point of blatantly contradicting previously-established rules.³




In a nutshell:




The Mary Sue (masculine: Marty Stu/Gary Stu) is an original character who is able to flout the laws of the canon universe with impunity. If the legal driving age is 16, Mary Sue is able to so impress the clerk at the DMV with her skills and maturity that said clerk makes a one-time exception and gives her a license at 12. She charms heroes and villains alike. Even characters that are suspicious by nature implicitly trust her. In fact, a character that dislikes or distrusts a Mary Sue is usually forced to admit the error of their ways by story’s end. Canon characters are frequently relegated to the sidelines, where they sing the praises of the original character. If a Sue/Stu dies, it usually happens heroically.


Most writers go through a Mary Sue phase. There is a temptation to insert an original character into the canon universe, and in many cases, it can work out quite well. However, when a writer spends a good part of the story propping up their original character, demonstrating how wonderful they are, and showing how they are inexplicably loved and accepted by all, the writer usually ends up creating an annoying, frequently disliked character, who upstages the canon characters at every turn.


While it’s fairly easy to find online quizzes that purport to show you whether your character is a Sue/Stu, it’s best to take these with a grain of salt. Keep in mind that if you were to subject many canon characters to The Mary Sue Litmus Test⁴, they too would score high⁵.


Although some readers and writers define a Sue as “an original character who is smart and capable,” or as “a character who annoys me,” this is not necessarily so. A character who has legitimate strengths and weaknesses, who has real flaws and virtues (note: a character whose major flaw is an inability to sing on-key—unless, of course, the ability to carry a tune is a major plot point—doesn’t count!) is not a Mary Sue. A character who has one or two areas in which they outshine the canon characters is not necessarily a Mary Sue.


In a Star Trek fan-fiction, it is possible that Dr. McCoy, upon encountering a disease with which he has little hands-on experience, would consult one of the leading experts in that particular field. This expert might know everything that there is to know about that disease, and probably have a fair-to-decent knowledge of general medicine. However, that would not necessarily make the expert a better overall physician than Dr. McCoy. It still could; Dr. McCoy may not necessarily be the best doctor in the Federation. He’s good. That doesn’t mean that your OC can’t be slightly better, so long as you can pull this off without making McCoy out to be unnaturally incompetent. But, should this expert also display talents for command, hand-to-hand combat, navigation, ballroom dancing, and Fabrini poetry, and should the canon characters demonstrate a marked decline from their usual level of competence, you may have a Sue on your hands.


Warning signs




Some of the warning signs that herald a Sue/Stu include:



• Original Character (OC) has an exotic name, often having a pertinent significance (Examples: Aala—She who hunts and heals; Zigmund—Victorious Defender). Multiple middle names are not uncommon.


• OC is a long-lost relative (usually the sibling or child) of a canon character. If the canon character has skills, aptitudes or abilities, the OC often has them too. If these talents require not only aptitude, but years of study, the OC is often able to blitz through the material without explanation beyond “it must run in the family.”


• OC is often physically attractive but rarely believes that they are. Thus, the character is typically seen refusing to believe that a canon character could possibly be attracted to them.


• OC is often described in loving detail from their jet-black raven/flaming auburn/lustrous golden tresses, to their emerald/sapphire/chocolate orbs (which change colour depending on their mood and are often flecked with hazel, silver or gold). They often have unusual scars or birthmarks, but these imperfections typically add to their good looks, or at least do not detract.


• If OC is male, he is often described as being fit, rugged, or muscular. If female, she is usually slender and petite, but still described as “having curves in all the right places.”




This does not mean that if your OC is attractive, self-conscious about their appearance, or related to a canon character, they are automatically Sues/Stus. The final litmus test is always whether they bend the rules of canon and whether they consistently upstage the canon characters. However, the traits listed above are so often included in the description of a Sue/Stu that if they are present, readers are likely to jump to that conclusion without reading further.



Author/Reader Inserts


Author inserts are original characters who are inserted into a story as stand-ins for the author. They may be Sues/Stus, or simply idealized self-portraits. They are often found romantically involved with canon characters or "fixing" plot points. Author inserts tell the canon characters things like:



• "Character A really does want you to marry him, B. He's just afraid you'd say 'no' if he asked."


• "Don't start the car! There's a bomb!"


• "Don't believe all those nasty rumors going around about B. C's spreading them, hoping you two will split up."




Alternatively, they may tag along with the canon characters as reporters, visitors, etc.


In essence, with an author insert, the writer envisions the way a scenario would play out "if they were there."


Sues, Stus, and inserts are not inherently “bad.” There are times when they can be used to great effect. However, keep in mind that your audience is likely to be reading your story for the canon characters. A well-drawn original character who interacts without upstaging or overshadowing is often a welcome addition. A character who steals the show and flouts rules with impunity is not.



Over-Description, Purple Prose, and Data Dumping




Over-description




Think of descriptive language as you would spice: both too much and too little will leave your work unpalatable. A little goes a long way.


Pay close attention when



• Using more than a paragraph or two to describe your scene. If there are certain details that you feel need to be conveyed—for example, when setting a mystery—try to break up the description with dialogue and action.


• Introducing characters. If you are dealing with canon characters, again, you may assume that your readers have a fairly good idea of what they look like. You don't need to write a detailed description of Sailor Moon's hair, eyes, height, and costume. Your readers will know.(Exceptions can be made for minor/non-recurring characters.) However, when introducing original characters, you should still be careful not to present your reader with too much description.




Watch out for:


• Descriptions that include “jet-black tresses that waved just enough to be perfect,” “fiery locks that framed a pale, stubborn face, in which were set two green-gray eyes that looked stormily out at the others,” “sun-kissed golden curls,” etc.


• Eyes described as “orbs”, gemstones, or foodstuffs. (i.e. “emerald orbs,” “chocolate orbs.”) Think hard before making the eyes an exotic color, or having them change color depending on your character’s mood.


• Giving your character’s measurements, dress size, chest size, etc.





Purple Prose




This is description gone mad. It is over-the-top, flowery, extravagant and invariably takes your reader out of your story. For example:


Of course, purple is not only highly colored prose. It is the world written up, intensified and made pleasurably palpable, not only to suggest the impetuous abundance of Creation, but also to add to it by showing—showing off—the expansive power of the mind itself, its unique knack for making itself at home among trees, dawns, viruses, and then turning them into something else: a word, a daub, a sonata. The impulse here is to make everything larger than life, almost to overrespond, maybe because, habituated to life written down, in both senses, we become inured and have to be awakened with something almost intolerably vivid. When the deep purple blooms, you are looking at a dimension, not a posy.⁶




Keep in mind that people often read fan-fiction for escape. They may be looking for fluff, they may be looking for action or drama, but above all, they are looking for something easy to read. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use a large vocabulary. If a four- or five-syllable word is the best choice for your sentence, use it. But be careful not to overdo. If the description is not essential to the plot, it’s advisable to keep it to a minimum.


Don’t be afraid to use “said” or “asked.” Some variation is good, but you want to avoid prose such as:


“What did you want to do tonight?” Bob asked.


“I’m not sure,” Janet said. “Did you want to see a movie?”


“Not really,” Bob answered. “How about dinner?”


“Did you want to order in or get takeout?” Janet demanded.


“I’m not sure,” Bob replied. “Why don’t we flip a coin?”


Janet groaned. “I don’t believe this!” she exclaimed. “Can’t you make up your mind about anything?”


“Oh come on,” Bob protested. “I make up my mind plenty of times."


“Name two,” scoffed Janet.


“What’s with the inquisition, all of a sudden?” Bob queried.


“It’s no inquisition,” Janet retorted....




Remember, “said” and “asked” are usually safe choices. That being said, however, it's usually preferable to include different terms rather than overuse adverbs. You really don't want this:


“What did you want to do tonight?” Bob asked curiously.


“I’m not sure,” Janet said thoughtfully. “Did you want to see a movie?”


“Not really,” Bob said slowly. “How about dinner?”


“Did you want to order in or get takeout?” Janet asked agreeably.


“I’m not sure,” Bob said disinterestedly. “Why don’t we flip a coin?”


Janet groaned. “I don’t believe this!” she said irritably. “Can’t you make up your mind about anything?”


“Oh come on,” Bob said indignantly. “I make up my mind plenty of times."


“Name two,” said Janet snippily.


“What’s with the inquisition, all of a sudden?” Bob asked hotly.


“It’s no inquisition,” Janet said placatingly....





Data Dumping




Data Dumping occurs when you fill your story with long expository passages which aren’t necessary to your plot. Often, the temptation to data-dump arises for one of three reasons:


• The subject is one that holds particular fascination for you.


• You have researched the subject extensively in order to incorporate it into your story. However, much of the research that you have done is actually not needed in your narrative.


• You want to be positive that any readers new to the fandom are brought up to speed on every canonical detail that may have the slightest bearing on your plot.




Think of it like baking a cake. You may need to purchase a bag of flour, a bag of sugar, a canister of baking powder, a box of eggs, a bottle of oil, and a bottle of vanilla extract. However, when the time comes to actually combine the ingredients, you don’t pour the entire quantity of your groceries into the mixing bowl. Perhaps you take two cups of flour, one cup of sugar, a teaspoon or two of baking powder, etc. It doesn't mean you've wasted the rest of the ingredients. First, when acquiring supplies it’s usually a good idea to get a bit more than you think you need to compensate for spills and other possible mishaps. Second, it’s likely that you will need the remaining ingredients in the future, for other cakes.


Similarly, when you research a topic, whether due to personal interest or due to a need to be sure of your facts for your story, you may find that some of the data that you have compiled is unnecessary to the narrative. Should that be the case, it’s recommended that you fight the temptation to include it. At best, it diverts attention away from your main plot. At worst, it alienates readers. When in doubt, cut it out.




"But what about alienating new readers? I'm dealing with some old/obscure canon/characters!"




No problem. Take a paragraph or two to introduce what you need to. Give your readers a piece of cake, as it were—not the whole thing!


(On a personal note, I'm a fairly active writer in the Batman comics fandom. Batman comics have been around since 1938. I haven't read all of them yet. I mention this, because my not being familiar with every single story featuring the Joker doesn't preclude my ability to use him effectively and in-character in a story. It's also fair to say that with open-canon fandoms that have been around for a long time, including Star Trek, Doctor Who, and a large number of comics properties, most people find a point to jump on and fill in the chinks as they go. Concentrate on telling a good story and the rest will happen!)


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¹ The story text in its entirety may be viewed here. (accessed May 31, 2013.)
² “So what is a Mary Sue, anyway?” Springhole, accessed June 25, 2012.
³ Ibid.
⁴ One example may be found at http://www.springhole.net/writing/marysue.htm, accessed June 25, 2012.
⁵ Examples include (but are in no way limited to): Luke Skywalker (Star Wars), Ayla (Earth’s Children), Batman (DC Comics), Superman (DC Comics), Harry Potter (Harry Potter), Sara Crewe (A Little Princess), and James Kirk (Star Trek).
⁶Paul West, “In defense of purple prose,” New York Times, December 15, 1985, accessed June 26, 2012, pagewanted=all.